The College struggle during Covid-19

I know a lot of college students; my clients, my neighbors, my kids’ friends and my friends’ kids. Being a college kid in the fall of 2020 is not much fun. I hurt for the newly minted freshman, I hurt for the seniors gearing up for their last year and I hurt for the students who chose to defer for this year. Honestly, I hurt for all of the students who were looking forward to what should be some of the best months and years of their lives.

While conferring with a colleague this morning. I shared a story about a group of four college sophomores living in a house together who had contracted Covid-19 (they are all recovered, healthy and thank goodness only had a mild case). I was telling my colleague that they had done everything right: worn masks, socialized outside, avoided large parties and created a group of eleven kids with whom they would regularly gather outside as a contained social bubble…and then a girl in the bubble went rogue. My friend laughed and said that this could be the name of a book or a blog post. Since a book is not in my near future, this blog post was born.

The girl didn’t do anything wrong. She had a roommate and the roommate had a friend and they may have hung out with the friend’s roommate. Thus the problem with the bubble concept. Each person in every bubble has another person with whom they may happen to socialize or bubble with. Containing a horrifically contagious virus amongst hoards of young adults living on top of one another is proving to be nearly impossible.

Many of the colleges are trying really hard to function amidst the pandemic. Random testing, weekly testing, no parties, quarantined hotels or dorms for exposures, boxed food etc. I can not imagine the level of stress at the staff meetings of the administrators of higher education. They are truly in a terrible predicament with complicated variables in whichever direction they choose to proceed.

I’ve spoken with some freshmen who are really struggling. Their big moment has turned sour. They are at college without the college life. They spend hours staring at a screen trying to virtually learn advanced academics having never met the professor or even sat in a college lecture hall. They grab some food without the fun of hanging in the dining hall wasting away the afternoon and have no clubs, intramural sports or Greek life for entertainment. They are all but locked down in their dorm rooms bored, anxious and frustrated.

I know some freshmen who have returned home where they are continuing their studies remotely. The Covid scare was too high at their specific school and they felt they might be more safe at home. I also know some kids toying with leaving their university; they struggle with seeing their peers flee and wonder what is the point of being here? Can i make friends in this environment? Am I safe? What will the next few months look like?

Students who previously struggled with mental illness seem to be having reoccurrences. Anxiety is high for anyone beginning college under normal circumstances and certainly high for all of us during the pandemic. Couple both of these with all of the restrictions on socializing and interacting within the college milieu and it is a recipe for huge bouts of anxiety for already anxious kids. Depression is also exacerbated by increased isolation due to mandatory time spent in dorm rooms and decreased opportunities to make new friends.

The upperclassmen have a leg up on the freshmen as they have a year or more of college life under their belts. They have made friends and formed social groups in which to build these proverbial bubbles were they to actually work successfully. Although the upperclassmen have friends, I am still sad that they are having limited interaction with their classmates and new peers where they could have once expanded their social circles.

I ask all of my clients, both in college and secondary school if they have friends in their classes. Most of them say “I don’t know”, because, of course, none of them are turning on their cameras to be seen. More sadness on my extroverted matured-age heart . “KIDS!!! Listen to your elders!!! It will be more engaging and interesting to SEE your friends!!” I am hoping that as the semester progresses and everyone gets more accustomed to this new abnormal-normal that maybe they will show a little bit of eyebrow or something via their virtual screens.

I do hope and believe that some students are making lemonade out of these very bitter lemons. Some have reached out within their dorms or to friends of friends to safely meet with new friends. One freshman followed every name she saw from her Zoom classes on Instagram and is trying to connect with these strangers via social media. She said some ignored her, some gave a little wave and a few people have interacted via messaging with her. Last week she met one of the girls for lunch and they have become friends. I was so thrilled to know that she has put herself out into the large judgmental social media world and found a friend, but even more than finding a friend she, hopefully, learned that sometimes taking risks can have very positive outcomes.

If you know a college student be compassionate with them, this is certainly not an experience that any of us have ever experienced. And, maybe, just maybe, share the idea that sometimes getting out of their comfort zone can create wonderful opportunities.