Depose me - NOT
When I agree to take on therapy clients, I do so with the intention of helping to improve their lives. I work hard to listen and make sure they feel heard, I help them to identify areas where they would like to make progress and I try to provide specific tools that they can use in their everyday lives when they feel sad or anxious.
Most of these steps happen after some time spent building rapport. The client needs to get to know me and my style and work on beginning to trust both me and the clinical process. This is done slowly and intentionally to gently ease into a therapeutic relationship. I ask many questions both about their life and their current struggles and I listen to and validate what they say asking follow-up questions if it is deemed necessary.
I do everything possible to avoid causing any undue harm and only want a calm and positive experience for my clients.
This past week I had the most unpleasant experience of being deposed by an attorney. Over a year ago I worked with a client for one month. The custody situation between the clients’ parents has become increasingly ugly and thus, I have been dragged into the ugly situation.
My involvement began when I was standing on my driveway about to walk my dog. A little old red car drove up to my house. A twenty-something hipster dressed in jeans got out of the car and asked if I was Laurie Levine. Looking nothing like Ed McMahon who I have learned after a quick Google search died in 2009, I realized that the hipster in the red car was not bringing me winnings to the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes. He said “I have something for you”, handed me a subpoena and got back into his red car to, most likely, bring unwelcome annoyance to the next unsuspecting witness in his pile of white paged subpoenas.
The subpoena stated that I was to be deposed in nine days. If you have ever been a therapist or have gone to a therapist, you have probably booked appointments several weeks ahead of time thus, I most likely would have a full day of scheduled appointments on the date in question. Were anyone behind the delivery of the subpoena to have asked me what my schedule was on that specific day or to have merely mentioned that they might be asking me to testify for their case, I may have been less surprised and/or irate when the hipster boy dropped off the goods.
After some investigating I learned that the deposition was to be virtual and I was mailed a link for the deposition at said day and time. When I clicked the link I joined six other squares with people already present. I heard one person, I believe it was the court reporter, say “there is the witness.” Not one person greeted me or introduced themselves. To this day I am still not sure who some of the players were in the surrounding Zoom boxes.
One man, apparently the lawyer who had summoned me, started reading me rules and asked me three times to state my name for the record. This attorney represented the parent who was fighting the case. It was the other parent who had brought the child to see me for therapy. This attorney questioned me about what I said, heard and did with the client eighteen or so months ago in my office. As the client is under eighteen their confidentiality is less valued than a client who is considered a legal adult, so I was less able to maintain as much privacy on behalf of the client as I would have chosen.
The attorney did his best to undermine my work and challenge how I guided the client. He questioned what the child had said and wondered what the child had felt about the situation. I felt bullied and disrespected as I sat through nearly an hour of questions about a client that I saw only four times.
See above where I described the nature of building rapport and striving to create a comfortable setting for the client; where I make sure that the client feels heard and validated. This deposition was the exact opposite of that experience. I am not saying that a deposition should be akin to a therapy appointment, but for goodness sake, someone could have introduced themselves to me, the witness.
Once the meeting had ended and I was able to close my computer I was shaking. I felt so stressed and upset that I immediately called one of my therapist friends for validation. I literally broke down in tears when one of my dearest colleagues answered the phone. I just could not believe the cold and impersonal way I was treated all because I was trying to speak on behalf of a child stuck between adults behaving poorly.
These proceedings were wrong and the process by which I was handled was uncaring. I was a mere blip in this elaborate legal system which deposes and tries people and cases all day every day. I am an older, educated and supposedly, mature woman and this one hour chipped away at my confidence as a professional. I can not imagine how brutally it can affect so many others going into this situation far less prepared than me.
I would like to say that I can walk away from this deposition and wash and sanitize my hands of the rudeness of which I endured. But, I got word that this case will probably go to trial and lucky me gets to go through it all again, this time with a judge present as well. At least next time I will be prepared when the hipster pops out of his little red car.