4/16/2014

19 Comments

Although this post is a little less 'therapist' and more 'mom' than normal, I write with both hats as I know many of my clients who have been on a baseball field, pool bleacher or dance theater and can definitely relate to the sentiments presented.

Grab your cleats, water bottle, shin guards and GET IN THE CAR...the words of every soccer mom.

Week after week, practice and dinner, dinner and practice and then weekend games. Home or Away? House or Travel League? Win or Lose?

The soccer moms were my lifeline "can you drive him, I have a client ?" . "We are out of town, can he stay with you for that game?" "I got this practice, can you get tomorrow?".

We spent hours on bleachers together; the soccer moms (and dads). Freezing our tails off and burning into lobsters - soccer has no regard for the weather, if the fields are open they are playing.

So many different teams; the three-year-old clinics, the house league made up of kids from the elementary school, the All Star team and the merging of house teams to make a travel team. Each season new faces; new players bringing with them new parents.

The parents became my friends. I spent more time with them than with my dearest girlfriends. It was so very seasonal; we'd be in each other's faces all Fall until the break before a short indoor Winter season and then Spring season started up again. We rarely spoke to one another off season, but there were always warm greetings and hugs at the beginning of a new game rotation.

Tournaments, oh the tournaments. Up at o'dark thirty to drive hours to a field in nowheresville. Myself, another mom and four boys in my van. It was always sweeter heading out than the return trip with the sweaty socks and smelly boys on their phones in the back. We've had team meals all over Virginia, West Virginia, Maryland and Pennsylvania, gathered in many a hotel lobby for pizza and once, even washed the uniforms in the hotel laundry room. And, never was a weekend so much fun and connecting than the exhausting cold (and/or hot) tournament weekends.

Constant laughter filled the parent cheering section. We rooted for each other's kids and cringed together when one of our players missed a crucial shot. At every (and their were many) injury, all the moms pooled their Advil and ice in the spirit of healing. On the sidelines we talked about books and vacation spots, we compared notes about our growing kids and tried to get the scoop on our own kid from a more-knowing mom.

We always had a season end party; often at my house which was a lot of fun. Fourteen sweaty boys in my basement playing X-box and a bunch of parents celebrating another good season of soccer and teamwork.

With the start of each season we would lose a player or two. They moved, switched schools or went to another team. For me, it was sad. I missed the kid and I missed the mom, my friend. I would bump into her at the grocery store, we hugged, caught up and moved on to our shopping list. Where was the bond? Was it a real friendship? All those texts between games, the laughter in our soccer chairs with the sun beating on our faces, it was so genuine at the moment and then our kids took us to different fields and new parent groups.

I could always count on the next season bringing another new kid with new parents. New friends. More car pool combinations. More tournaments and laughter.

Last year there was a shift. High school made for more options: Cross Country team, track, swimming and basketball. The kids had new and differing interests. They also had more school work and less time.

My kid began Cross Country/Track all three seasons; he liked it and was progressing really well. Daily practices, weekly meets as well as a heavy academic load plus soccer practices and games became overwhelming. It was too much to make it all work and something had to give - my kid quit soccer.

Suddenly, I am a track mom.

But, what about our soccer friends? The connections, the games, the great coach and the wonderful memories.

Was it all just that: soccer? He misses it, he loves soccer, but he is running and has joined a new group of athletes. Does he feel the loss like I do? I miss the team, the friends, the game. Sure, he misses it, but he is a sixteen year old boy, not a hormonal therapist mom who oozes in emotions.

Don't get me wrong, track is great. The parents are wonderful and supportive, the coach is tough and committed. A Cross Country meet can be half as long as a soccer game and the school provides buses!, but I miss MY soccer people.

What does it all mean? This role of being the kids' mom to whatever activity is the activity du jour? Are connections fleeting? Were they real? Was it just in the moment on that one field?

I don't have the answers, but I do have great memories and wonderful people in my heart that I know will cross my path again be it in the produce section or on some bleacher in my future.

3/26/2014

22 Comments

As a parent, what fills your pride bubble? Is it bringing the newborn home, that first poopie on the potty or marching in to kindergarten with your proud five year old? There are so many moments; I wonder if we take the time to appreciate them enough?

Critics and naysayers say we celebrate our kids too much. They don't know how to lose, get a C or miss a soccer goal. I tend to see it from the other angle, perhaps because I see kids at their most raw. I see the sadness and the pain, uncertainty and anxiety.

Many kids feel inadequate, both in their homes and amongst their peers. Often they compare themselves to their siblings or to what they perceive their parents expect. One twenty year old middle son of three told me "I guess I'm considered the failure child since both of my brothers got the yadda yadda scholarship to yadda yadda college". As I gently reminded him that his college acceptance was quite an excellent feat, he shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly without recognizing any personal achievement.

I feel a need to celebrate the successes. I've had the privilege of witnessing many great times of my kids, my clients and my friends' kids and these moments make my heart happy. I have one friend who, although she is four years younger than me, her kids are all a year older than mine. At each of their celebrations I have the opportunity to witness her family's joy as I stand behind the plate on deck. Bar Mitzvahs, graduations and college acceptances have been a source of pride for her, me and our collective families; personally there is just never too much joy.

Weddings, pregnancies, birthdays; they are plastered all over social media and I love it. Where some people have commented that social media, or specifically Facebook for us over forty crowd, makes them feel inadequate or jealous when people brag about their kids' achievements, I feel otherwise. I love seeing the positive, the joy and the accomplishments - all I have to do is click over to the Washington Post to get a dose of tragedy and despair.

I encourage us all to celebrate the joys; be in the moment and take it all in. We all experience health issues, disappointment and life challenges, why not let loose on the good stuff when we can?

This post was prompted by an upcoming celebration in my family. I am swelling with pride as I think about my daughter's Bat Mitzvah next week; she has worked very hard and is beyond excited for her special day. We will worship and celebrate her rite of passage as a family and a community. I think I am writing this for me as a reminder to celebrate and be filled with pride, to let go of the little details like guests flights and menus and focus on the moments that highlight the joy and celebration of my daughter.

My pride bubble is/will be bursting. I choose to celebrate the joy and be proud of my kid. Tell me more about your joys; it's contagious and so much fun to fill our air with little bubbles filled with pride and joy

3/3/2014

27 Comments

Until last year, I had never been acquainted with physical therapy. My only brush with it was when I would tell a passerby I was a therapist and they would ask "physical therapist?", or when people I knew would be going off to PT several times a week. Last spring, my daughter began having some hip/foot issues from her dancing and the pediatrician sent us marching to this "PT" thing. Once we got settled in at Bodies in Motion, she and I were both hooked. She for the individual attention and kindness of the therapists and me because it was so very fasciniating.

What was I fascinated by? First there is a big room of tables with multiple therapists and multiple patients doing all sorts of body work together. Bending, stretching, pushing, pulling, there are even people getting needles in their bodies right there in the middle of everything. Therapists and patients all chit chat amongst one another; be it type of injury, latest snow storm or lunch cravings - chatter and laughter abounds.

My mental health therapist head is thinking HIPAA? We operate under strict ethical codes highlighting all manners of confidentiality, conduct and boundaries; I get antsy when one of my clients happen to bump into another in the waiting room and here we have the PT patients being assessed, worked on and massaged in front of the entire patient population.

The other intriguing thing for me is the toys. Not only are there stationary bikes and treadmills, there are bands and balls and gadgets for every last muscle. My daughter was picking up marbles with her toes and placing them in a bucket. I was struck by the creativity of it all. I discussed it with her therapist and was amazed by all of the engineering technology involved in their "toys".

Now it's my turn. I've been having a shoulder/arm issue that just won't quit. It started with pain and over the duration of the winter has turned into a nerve thing with tingling up and down my arm. When I walked back into the 'toy' room for my first appointment, I was warmly greeted by the two PT's that had worked with my daughter. How is she, how is her dancing, let me see pictures etc.

One of these kind gentleman was assigned to my tingling. He took my history, asked about the initial injury and then began touching my arm, shoulder and hand. (Another bizarre thing for this mental health therapist, touching a client? If a client asks for a hug every clinical nerve in my brain is on "alert" due to our very rigid boundaries).

Push, pull, resist, stretch, turn, shrug - my PT is beginning to assess the tingle. He checked mobility, range of motion and who knows what? The good thing is HE knows what he is doing, I am just the body on which he does his work. And this is where my "aha" moment struck. He is looking for the cause of the tingle; by pushing and prodding at my muscles, assessing where I am tight and when I loosen up, subtleties of which I am barely aware, but he understands the body and can figure out what is going on with my nerve. He constantly asks me if I notice any difference, is the tingling more or less, rate it on a scale of 1-10. The tingle can't speak to him, thus he must rely on my evaluation.

The 'tingle' doesn't talk; I feel it, it is uncomfortable and irritating, but I'm not sure of its source. It is inconsistent; fingers, hand and arm depending on the moment or my movement. How is this similar or not to the mental health therapy that I do? Sometimes I see a client that knows exactly what is going on. "My mother died, I am heavily grieving and am having trouble getting my work done." PT patients can know the root cause; many of them are there for rehabilitation following surgery, have specific injuries or various medical needs.

Often I get the 'tingle' clients. "I've been feeling depressed", "my daughter is cutting herself ", "our teenager is self-medicating with drugs". These symptoms have less of a clear source. Sometimes they can be an offshoot of a trauma, root from a deeper depression or can be the beginnings of a chronic mental illness. These symptoms, as the 'tingle', can be a mystery. Like my PT, I begin to push and prod at the emotional muscles; I assess and ask and maneuver. Unlike my PT, who can push a muscle really hard (AND hurt my inner arm like nobody's business), I need to approach more gently. If I push too hard, I may cause my client to shut down or even worse, scare him away. (Of course the PT could push the limit, but based on my first two appointments, he has more wiggle room with the idea of gentle).

Over time, building rapport and trust, my clients and I dig together towards the source of their symptoms. Often, they too, find that their 'tingle' doesn't speak. Many of my clients struggle with identifying their emotions; they aren't familiar with them, can't discern between sadness or anger, or just can't find them. I slow things down and help them to build an emotional vocabulary and learn to identify emotional triggers via body sensations. Where do you feel it in your body? What does it feel like? Pressure/pain/shaky? All of these prompts help people to get in touch with their emotional temperature.

The word therapy, meaning curing or healing, comes in many forms. While I am doing talk therapy, there are so many ways to heal us humans. I am glad to know that both our bodies and our souls lend to pushing, prodding and healing so that we can all achieve the mental, physical and spiritual peace that enable our days to be filled with joy

2/5/2014

9 Comments

I said I would return with suggestions to avoid having your teen flop back into the house for an extended stay in the middle of a semester.  I make no guarantees, sometimes a one-way ticket home is inevitable and necessary, but here are some thoughts on how to prepare for a successful flight out of the nest.

I love the idea of sleep away camp. Any reader that has spotted one of my summer posts is aware of my proclivity towards all things camp.  I have promoted camp for infinite reasons (friendship, bonding, summer structure etc.) and one of the biggest reasons is for kids to get a taste of  being away from home.  There are many kinds of  camps that can meet this objective;   sports camps, Scout camps, academic camps and arts camps and they vary in length from a few days to an entire summer.

Camps provide a sense of independence for kids with the safety net of responsible adults who are not their parents to guide them.  At camp kids learn to manage their own clothes, toiletries and meals without mom and dad micromanaging all the details. If they miss a night of teeth brushing or lose a sock (or hundreds), it is all part of the process of learning to have some independence.  I have found that the kids that have spent time away from home for a period of time during their middle and high school years have had the easiest transition to college and have had  less risk for the boomerang swing.

When a teen has increased responsibility throughout high school, he will have an easier transition to college.  Freshmen start slowly, perhaps getting  more opportunities to socialize with peers in groups before they are juniors and driving independently. Many juniors and seniors obtain part-time jobs which teach them responsibility, time management and a bit about finances.   Extra-curricula activities also help a teen with independence; there are clubs with responsibilities, teams with obligations and bands and theater with commitments that the teen must learn to balance with academic and other expectations.

One of my biggest selling points with my clients and their parents is for the kids to become responsible for their own academics.  A freshman in high school should manage her own schedule by knowing when she has an exam, when papers are due and the status of her grades.  I encourage parents to be supportive and helpful WHEN ASKED, but to allow the student to manage his own work load.  The more autonomy a high school student has, the more success will occur in college.

Parents often tell me that their teen will fail if the parent lets go of the academic reins.  The best advice I ever got was at a back-to-school night when my oldest child's teacher said "Parents, you have already completed second grade, it is their turn."  Yes, it is their turn; their turn to learn,  their turn to succeed and their turn to fail.  I constantly stress to these parents that the fall is easier when they fail junior year before they are legal adults and still in high school than when they are half a state or country away, paying thousands of dollars for tuition and suddenly realizing that they don't know how to manage their work load without mom leading the way. (Students with learning disabilities or attention challenges do require more parental supervision.  It is important to strike a balance between over-doing and supporting the student; not an easy task for many families).

My last thought is to address mental health issues if and when they present themselves.  If a child is predisposed to anxiety or depression and has struggled throughout her adolescence with symptoms of sadness, feeling overwhelmed or anger management issues, please GET HER HELP.   Sending a child off to college who is struggling emotionally can be a set-up for failure.  College is inherently stressful with its huge life transitions and rigorous academics.  If your teen seems to be struggling, getting him the help he needs before he leaves home can arm him with the extra tools he may need to have a successful college experience.

Again, sometimes things happen.  Unplanned trauma, anxiety or homesickness can occur; kids come home and it is okay.  There is always another path and other options, so don't fret.

One last thought, have your kids learn to do their own laundry......if nothing else it will make for a more pleasant aromatic experience for the roommate.

1/29/2014

15 Comments

As has been previously mentioned, I work with many adolescents. I work with them both in high school and beyond. One population that I have had nice success with is the college kid who, for a variety of reasons, has returned home for a semester (or more). I have worked with several kids who have become very depressed and/or anxious while away at college which has necessitated a medical leave of absence. The schools' counseling centers have been very supportive in such a scenario and huge advocates of the student taking the time off to heal.

Bringing your child home from college for mental health reasons is terrifying. Many parents have shared their fearful trip of driving to the college to pick up the pieces of their child's lost semester; kids so depressed they haven't left their room in weeks, have fallen behind on all of their school work and become so anxious about academic failure that the cycle becomes a virtual tornado whirling inside the poor kid's soul. After being dismissed from the mental health center and packing up the dorm, the families find themselves in uncharted territory. Our child is home, our child is really struggling, our child won't get out of bed, our child has no peers around. How can we make it right?

Enter Laurie Levine. When I get the frantic call, I schedule the assessment for as soon as possible. Usually the parents come in for the first session and I never see them again (they are left to pay the bill, contain the worry and get a vague update every few months). That is good, that is how it should be; the teen establishes a nice rapport with me and begins to delve into his presenting problems in an independent and adult-like manner.

What went wrong at college? How is it that so many students are able to make it work in what appears to be a seamless manner when others find themselves back in their childhood beds struggling with mental health issues, legal charges or or sometimes somatic symptoms brought on by stress?

Each kid has his unique story. Be it a predisposition to depression, an uncomfortable roommate scenario triggering despondency or an over arduous academic load. Sometimes college or this specific college is not a good fit for a specific student. That is okay, it saddens me though, that to find the right fit there are often periods of despair and worry both for the student and the family.

I work with the teen on the initial complaints until she is feeling stabilized. Sometimes a referral to a psychiatrist is necessary when medication is indicated, other times weekly therapy isn't enough and we bump up the intensity for a short time. Usually, the crisis period is short lived (weeks to a month) and then the task becomes identifying and processing deeper core issues to avoid a relapse back to the malfunctioning behaviors.

Meanwhile, there are many hours per week that the client is not in therapy. Lying in bed should not be tolerated for more than a day and half. Family discussions about employment, local schooling and household chores can cause conflict especially when the teen is still feeling low. I always encourage structure in one's day, especially in the case of depression, he needs to get up, shower and have a reason to leave the house.

I am happy to say that the kids that I have worked with have had good outcomes. One student took a semester and a half off and then returned to his original school. We did Skype sessions upon his return to school and then terminated after his first semester back because he was doing so well. Another student struggled with such depression that after coming home, it was a struggle to just get her in for her session. After a year of good therapy and the proper medication regime, she found her calling in another field and attended a certification program. She is now working in her chosen career and has not received therapy in over a year. I've worked with several students that have settled in to some classes at Northern Virginia Community College during their time at home. Most of them have had very positive experiences which has afforded them the time to work on their mental health challenges while also continuing with their education.

You are probably thinking: "Thanks Laurie for sharing your professional experiences with us, but what can we do to avoid being the next boomerang family on your caseload?" I will fully oblige with such recommendations in a Part 2 to this post. Give me a few days to collect my thoughts and I will be back here with brilliant (?) suggestions.

1/14/2014

7 Comments

He got in to ________. She was deferred from ___________. He was rejected from ________. Two more applications to submit. Anyone know how to fill out the FAFSA?

This is what I have been hearing from seniors in high school and their parents for the past couple of weeks. The SATs/ACTs/ABCs, the essays, the waiting and that email (in my day it was a thin or thick letter) that elicits exaltation or deep sadness within one click of the mouse. And, these are just the ones that applied early or rolling admission - this will continue over the next few months until the big push in April when all colleges will have admitted their incoming freshman class.

I have worked with many seniors in high school. It is such a pivotal time. In some ways it is a ticket out, a ticket to freedom and a move towards independence. In many ways it is a very scary time. As much as the seniors are flexing their muscles to be on their own, there is something to be said for home cooking, clean clothes and mom and dad lurking around to ensure that life tasks have been checked off, paid for and handled.

Early in my career I worked in high schools and observed the precarious nature of that status of "senior". The seniors were the leaders of the school, captains of the teams and enjoyed privileges of the upper-most upperclassmen (definitely the best parking spots and lunch tables). And yet, in my office they presented as anxious and vulnerable. Would they get in to a college? Would they be able to handle the work load, the transition and the independence?

It is normal to feel apprehensive. I continually reassure my senior clients that they are not alone in these fears. They have been under so much pressure since junior year jumping through all of the "get into college" hoops that they have barely had a moment to ponder what it all means.

Enter second semester senior year, also known as "senioritis" or "senior slump". The applications have been submitted; some have heard from schools and some are still waiting. Grades matter, but not as much as before. There is time again to pause, reflect and realize "HOLY COW - I AM GOING TO GRADUATE".

Seniors may experience this as a sudden shock, a slow building of anxiety or depression or via other symptoms like withdrawal from friends or a drop in grades. Some of my clients have suddenly brought home D's and F's after a high school career of A's and B's. I talk to them frankly about self-sabatoge; if they have anxiety about graduation and leaving home, a handful of F's could easily upend that plan without having to admit "I'm nervous about the next step". It can be easier to crash and burn through that last English credit than have to face the reality that this graduation thing is actually going to happen.

We adults often forget how emotional and challenging this time can be. Teachers, parents and other adults act as cheerleaders raving about graduation and the exciting changes that are coming. But the awareness of these trepidatious months can be really helpful; attend to your seniors, acknowledge that this is a big time of transition and it is okay to feel uneasy or anxious. They may just appreciate it enough to stick around for dinner one night this week.

12/1/2013

23 Comments

My favorite photos of all the Thanksgiving/Chanukah/Thanksgivukkah photos that have been flying around the internet this week has been the "cousins" photo. Happy kids embracing one another and smiling big for the camera. I saw cousins on the beach, cousins in snow, cousins around a turkey and menorahs, cousins piled on couches and more.

What is it about these happy cousins that warms my heart? (For the record, I didn't grow up with cousins. I have two first cousins a decade plus younger than me that lived far away.) I watch my kids and their cousins and love the connection they all have. Their ages range from college to toddler and yet, there is still a sweetness and camaraderie amongst them.

As adults, we siblings, enjoy seeing our kids connect with each other. Since cousins often live in separate communities and/or states there is the loving, fun and "vacation" mentality that they enjoy with one another without the day-to-day conflict that we see amongst siblings. There is less competition, need to share and work together with cousins. Cousins spend a week at the beach together, bond at holidays and other family gatherings that are surrounded by fun, celebration and low stress.

Although many extended families have their share of tension, it seems like the young generation of cousins is spared the age old family spats and disagreements. The cousins don't care that their great aunt whoever has a ten year grudge against uncle so-and-so; they just care about giggling, beating their older cousin at the X-box and warm memories of these annual events.

I do hope that you and your family had a wonderful holiday and their was some good cousin time shoved into the mix.

11/24/2013

9 Comments

The football game is on. One kid is sitting with me doing homework, one is getting ready for bed and the college kid is home stirring up the pot that we call home. It's louder, sassier and more chaotic when we are all here under one roof, but it is The Nut House as we know it and I wouldn't trade it (well, most days).

Many of my friends and clients have endured the big transition of sending a child off to college and figuring out the 'new normal' with a less than full house. I've heard talk about accidentally setting too many plates at the table, having to rework a grocery list to accommodate less mouths and scheduling a Skype call for birthday celebrations.

Enter Thanksgiving Break. The college kid comes home and sleeps his way through the early morning bus runs that the siblings must suffer for the first part of the week, the bathroom schedule is upended and there are suddenly 137 shoes and jackets to trip over as opposed to the mere 82 that have become my routine land mines. This 'new normal' that most families have adapted to throughout the fall is now interrupted and we all transition again.

It's only been three months and yet the college kid has done a one-eighty. An entirely new living situation, meal routine and academic regiment. New friends, infinite experiences, unbridled freedom and yet, now their parents want to know where they are.

I read a discussion online by a group of parents of freshman about whether to enforce a curfew when their child was home for break. I read another discussion from another group of parents worrying about their freshman being able to negotiate the airport and all that entails to arrive safely home to their excited, worried and wanting-to-parent-but-not-sure-how parents.

Once again, it will be a learning experience for all of us, parents and kids alike. A beautiful and brilliant woman reminded me "one day he will be a parent and he will know that you yelled at him out of fear. Until then - just think about how we felt when we were 18 and so desperate to prove that we could manage by ourselves, and how galling it was to find out that we couldn't".

Happy and healthy Thanksgiving to all of the new freshman, their loving parents and everyone else that happens to still be reading

11/18/2013

5 Comments

This weekend I had the pleasure of attending the Herndon High School production of Seussical the Musical. The show was great; the actors, the set, the costumes and the choreography were brilliant. It was a really happy show and the teens looked like they were having as much fun performing for us as we, the audience, were watching them on stage.

While donning my "therapist hat" for a moment during the performance I thought about all the talent and confidence, as well as the insecurity and anxiety, inhabiting the teens before me. Of course, I was unable to detect any blatant weakness. The kids were well prepared, beautifully made-up and top-notch performers. But, I know teenagers and I know that underneath all of the make-up and costumes on stage or behind the North Face jackets and Uggs in class breed a host of anxieties and fears.

Am I good enough? Smart enough? Thin enough? Cool enough? Popular enough? Rich enough? Athletic enough? Talented enough?......

My therapist observations felt bittersweet. I loved the fact that these kids were putting themselves out there on stage, I loved that they danced and sang and wore fun and silly costumes for all to see. I loved that they seemed really happy and excited about the performance.

I worry about their own self-criticism. I feel for the kids that were disappointed for not getting the part they wanted, and even more so for the kids that aren't confident enough to even try-out for a show.

Being a teenager is such a mixed bag - as if putting all the highs and lows of life in a blender and blasting them together in a full speed whirl.

I want to praise the cast and crew for a fabulous show and hope you all know how wonderful you are both with and without the makeup and glitz.

11/4/2013

6 Comments

Disclaimer: Each of my client cases are fictional. They are compilations of hundreds of client situations I have encountered throughout my career. This is to protect the confidentiality of my clients. Anything that may resemble a real person or family is simply a coincidence.

I once had this angry teenage client (well, I've had many angry teenage clients). This particular teenage client was furious at his family, at being forced to come to therapy and at life in general.

Early on in our work together, his mom brought him to my office and he refused to get out of the car. I eventually made my way down to the car and proceeded to do therapy in the parking lot; I stood in the hot summer sun and sweated through my work outfit showing him that I was not the enemy and I wanted to be a source of support. (Years later the by-then-less-angry teenage client and I joked about that hot summer day and how I was standing on the hot parking lot pavement trying to convince him that therapy wasn't that bad).

Week after week his mom dragged him into my office, he plopped down on the couch and gave one word answers to my very interesting and probing questions: how was school?, what did you do this weekend? how are things with your parents? You can only imagine how slowly my clock ticked during those very quiet sessions.

I consulted with his psychiatrist who was my colleague and would regularly seek his advice; the kid doesn't want to be here, he doesn't talk, I feel like I am wasting his parents money, am I making any difference? This wise mentor, a thoughtful man of few words, repeatedly told me that I was helping the client; by just being present for this kid, I was providing a calm and stable place for him, a safe place so that when he was ready, he would have someone to talk to, a place free from judgement, pressure or anxiety that he often experienced at home.

I worked with this kid for years, I feel like I prepped for the SAT's and got ready for graduation along side him. The hours and hours of drudgery in my office turned into moments of laughter, silliness and connection. The laughter came at a snail's pace, often after months of my patience, his yelling and even throwing things (not necessarily at me, just towards me, primarily due to the very small square footage of my office). Over time hee began to share things in session, confide in me, and actually hear me. There were times he even paused to consider and actually acknowledged that perhaps something I said had merit.

I excitedly contacted the psychiatrist to tell him that he was "right". The kid had, in fact, opened up and really used the therapy time to his benefit. My presence, in the beginning, was enough to build a foundation for trust so that when he was ready he could utilize the connection, the safety and the comfort we had created in this therapeutic relationship.

I know my mentor was smiling at my shift as I was smiling at my client's shift; both of us had learned to trust the process and each other. If we are patient enough, yes, progress happens.