What more can be said about the experience of the graduating class of 2020?

Most of the universities had their graduations in early to mid- May. Families gathered around computers with their graduates clad in cap and gown. Loud cheers were heard throughout neighborhoods when their child’s name appeared on the screen. There was some pomp and circumstance amongst the quarantined nuclear family while extended family Zoomed along celebrating from afar. The day usually culminated with a nice meal including cake and it was a done deal.

This year’s ‘graduations’ have a very different vibe from graduations of yesteryear which are often multiple day events including travel, hotels, several meals etc. There are crowds, long processions and speeches. The graduates celebrate with their families, friends, peers and professors. This is a long standing tradition which caps off four years of higher education.

As it is now mid-June, it is the season of the high school graduation. Many of my clients fall into this category. Following the cancellation announcements in April and the period of deep disappointment for both the students and their families, the high school class of 2020 has suited up for their revised graduations.

Several schools in the area have assigned each graduate a time slot. The graduates are broken down alphabetically and there are a certain amount of students scheduled per day. One graduate that I know was allotted his “fifteen minutes of fame” to walk across a prefab podium, alone, in the front atrium of the school. He received his diploma and had a photo opportunity in front of the school’s logo.

In other jurisdictions I have heard about car parades for the seniors where teachers stand outside the school (in masks) and cheer on their students. Videos on social media have shown a lot of enthusiastic hollering from both the faculty and the students.

The cheering makes me happy. The cake makes me happy. The smiles in the photos make me happy.

The loss and disappointment experienced by these students and their families can not be erased by a nice slice of cake. I think about all of the hours of homework put in to attain the coveted diploma, the stress and angst over standardized tests, the cold early mornings racing to the bus and the days of sitting in classrooms waiting for the bell to ring. There were sports practices, games and championships and hours upon hours of play rehearsals and band competitions. And for this Covid-19, these kids are rewarded with a drive-by graduation.

My heart has really extended to the families who have only one child for whom this was their only graduation. I am also having pangs of sadness for the families with first generation graduates. I feel for all of the families who have been planning for this moment since they put their child onto that kindergarten bus.

The sum totality of the pandemic is horrendous. The numbers of deaths and potential future deaths can be compared to nothing. The economic implications on so many families is insufferable. I am not at all indicating otherwise. Yet, the reality of the 2020 graduation season, which should be a time of joy and celebration, has been somewhat grim and for that I am sorry.

As we look back at this time we will remember the Class of 2020 as the students who wore masks with their caps and gowns and desperately needed haircuts under those mortar boards.

Who remembers the PBS show Zoom from the 1970’s? (My son just reminded me it had a revival in the late 1990’s). The show was produced in Boston where I grew up. Myself and many of my friends auditioned to be cast members for the show. Sadly, I was not casted, which is actually good news as my career as a television star may have prohibited me from pursuing my true passion which is therapy. As Zoom meetings have become the go-to for our pandemic-ed professional and social world, many of us children of the 70’s have reminisced about the show and suffered the annoying theme song on constant replay in our heads.

On to serious mode, I have had some thoughts and observations about this teletherapy practice I find myself conducting exclusively despite my preference for meeting in my warm, cozy office where I can create a safe and intimate setting for my clients. Overall, the teletherapy has worked well. It far surpasses phone sessions where I can not see my clients or read their facial expressions. Many of my clients have introduced me to their pets which has been extremely fun for all of us. The teens have showed off their bedrooms; apparently painting one’s bedroom walls and furniture has become a common quarantine activity to which I have been privy . I have also met siblings and cousins and spouses which has all added to the richness of this virtual therapy.

My colleagues and I continue to meet every other week for supervision group. Once we finally figured out how to Zoom successfully our meetings have resumed their regular balance of collaboration, silliness and connection despite the miles and screens between us. Last Friday morning while staring at the faces in the four squares of my most trusted co-therapists/friends we shared how this Covid-19 way of therapy was working for us. We all noted that it is hard to make up the physical distance via screen; in the office if a client is struggling or particularly emotional we all tend to lean forward to decrease the distance between our seat and the client’s thus creating a more comforting stance. We talked about how we make the same gesture with the computer, but it doesn’t feel the same.

We also discussed how when doing couples therapy sometimes the couple is sitting together sharing one screen and sometimes they speak from separate screens, each of which has its own unique dynamic. When meeting with children in my office, I regularly check in with their parents at the end of the session. Currently kids are running into their parents’ home offices (while they are working) (possibly on a Zoom call themselves) and handing the parent the phone with my face plastered onto the screen.

Privacy has been one of the most important factors for online therapy. Clients routinely escape to the car for their sessions feeling that this was the only place that they could ensure complete privacy. Both parents and kids alike will whisper into the computer to discuss personal issues fearing that the walls are just too thin. I understand all of their hesitations and share that I empathize with them and acknowledge that virtual therapy does have its limitations.

I speculate that the most profound phenomenon of teletherapy is the concept of sharing the depths of one’s emotional core from home via screen. So often a client sits in my office and pours her heart out to me. The experience is safe and contained and together we dissect the pain. Frequently I will metaphorically tell a client to ‘leave it here’. I will point to a corner of the room and assure them that it is safe to leave whatever ‘it’ is here in my office. This technique enables the client to allow me to hold some of their pain for them; it frees them up a bit to ease back into their reality upon leaving the session.

When a client confides heavy emotional content from their home, I fear that it can become complicated. Every teen that I meet with talks to me from his/her bedroom, usually sitting on the bed. I worry that they are contaminating their own safe space with potentially toxic feelings. I hate that they can’t step away from their nests to purge the emotions and leave them in my office. It’s not that they don’t carry the pain with them, but I doubt that they expose it in many places other than my office. With teletherapy they must pollute their personal space with ugly feelings unable to comfortably retreat to their private sanctuaries.

Perhaps I am being a little dramatic with my assessment of the teens sharing from their rooms. I am sure that generally it is not too emotionally taxing for them. But, I do suspect that at times this conundrum may arise and for that I appreciate the difficulty.

I am lucky, for tomorrow I will Zoom-up and meet with several of my clients throughout the day. I may or may not wear pants as that seems to be the most discussed topic of virtual working. I will power up my laptop, put on my thinking cap and attend to each and every individual client the same way I would if they were sitting in my office (where I would definitely be wearing pants).

Stay safe one and all!

Corona virus. Covid 19. Pandemic. Quarantine.

However we label it, it all stinks!

How are you? I hope that you are all staying safe and sane amidst the new insane.

Early on, maybe six weeks ago, my supervision group was meeting (in person, so retro) and a colleague suggested I blog about it this new existence. I need to be in a certain mood to write (fortunately writing is not my career or we’d really be seeking that Small Business loan) and I just wasn’t feeling the mood at that point. Recently my husband said, “you really should be blogging”; not only was I still not in the mood, I also felt “what more could I say about this Pandemic?” It’s all been said, done, written and discussed.

I was reading an article posted by a virtual “friend” of mine who hosts my favorite podcast. Suddenly the mood hit me and I felt like writing. Not that I have anything unique to add about our world situation, but this article written by Patti Neighmond for NPR stirred my writing juices. Ms. Neighmond wrote about the seniors in high school and college that have had their senior year cut short. The milestones, special events and celebrations that they have longingly watched upperclassmen experience will not look for them as they had previously hoped. Some events may be cancelled, some may be experienced virtually and some may be postponed. One college senior texted me about his now postponed “fake graduation”.

The disappointment is tremendous as is the loss and the lack of closure. So many students left college for spring break and never returned. Many have yet to move out of their dorms and are living at home while most of their possessions remain at school. I am watching college students spend hours upon hours doing homework and in online classes. It saddens me to see how hard they are working; they are working as hard or harder than when living at school and yet not able to experience the fun, camaraderie and connections offered by living on a college campus. One freshman whose year was abruptly halted angrily said “I have all of the work of college and none of the fun.”

I like the tools that Ms. Neighmond suggested in the NPR article: acknowledge the students’ feelings, encourage them to stay connected to their peers, figure out what it is that they can control as opposed to the powerlessness of the situation and remind them that although this is all horrible and feels unfair, by quarantining we are all helping to flatten the curve for our society as a whole.

This is the part of the article that I had yet to consider. The college seniors have been living independently for the last four years. No longer are they following mommy’s rules and daddy’s curfews. The seniors are of legal age and legal drinking age; many of them work, pay bills and cook their own meals.  Dr. Ludmila De faria, a psychiatrist, was quoted in the article saying “They had moved away from their families of origin, which is part of a process called individuating. ‘They're finding their people, their identities and developing their ability to take care of themselves’, she says. ‘The people they live with, their roommates in college become their primary source of support. They lost that suddenly.’"

I know some college seniors that have remained in their off-campus housing and are living and social distancing with a few roommates while finishing their semester classes online. I believe, though, that there are many seniors that have moved home and are having to readjust to the family rules and norms while also losing their independence and support system.

Dr. De farla’s observations on individuating was on point. This is the time when humans really become their own selves separate from others and, in this specific example, separate from their parents. The college years have prepared the seniors to live on their own, follow their own routines and schedules and make (hopefully) mature adult decisions. Enter Covid 19 and these should-be-graduating seniors are sleeping in their childhood beds, eating family dinner and prohibited from leaving the home to socialize or grab a legal drink because of quarantine. It’s as if they have stepped back into the cradle at their most pivotal moment. I do appreciate how this extra layer of complications makes this time of Covid 19 all the more difficult for these students.

I also know several young adults that have left their apartments (often with their significant others) and moved back in with their parents. I think being alone or with one roommate during this scary time may have been too overwhelming for these newly minted adults. I mentioned to one friend that the menu at her house is probably better than the empty fridge in her son’s downtown apartment. Families, their adult children and partners are living as a unit under one roof cooking, puzzling and doing online yoga together on the weekends and sucking up the internet during the week to virtually work. I gather that it is easier for the young adults than the college seniors because they have already had a taste of independent living and, also, because they made the choice to come home and quarantine together rather than be forced home by the decision of their university.

Every week the news media is bringing additional stories and obstacles to the public. As I write today, the latest kerfuffle involves protesting over the shelter-in-place order, making it a political issue as usual. I shan’t go there. As I said at the top of the post there is enough being said and written about each new occurrence. In my little corner of the internet, I am grateful that my friend posted the article that ignited me to put down some thoughts.

Stay safe my friends!

While most of us spent the month of December shopping, cooking and prepping for holidays, I had the privilege of meeting with many of my clients who were home from college for their Winter Break. It was very exciting to meet with the freshman who had just completed their first semesters as well as reconnect with upperclassmen who had settled into their own rhythms.

The common theme that I heard from all of these students was that of The Roommate. I had my share of roommate saga back in the day and as I listened to story upon story from my clients it got me thinking. These eighteen year olds are leaving their families and homes and embarking on their first ever independent living experience. This is the first time that many of these students have had to share a bedroom and personal space with anyone, let alone a practical stranger. Most of them move into a generic room with two beds, two desks and two dressers. After decorating with twinkle lights, plush pillows and loads of photos from high school ( these being the girls’ rooms, the boys may or may not add a comforter to cover the thin college mattresses) the room assumes a cozy ambience despite the concrete walls.

Traditionally roommate matching involved the institution administering a simple survey about basic rooming habits and then pairing each freshman with a roommate. In the age of social media, many students are joining Facebook groups created specifically for their own class and school. Within these groups the rising freshman introduce themselves, get to know one another and often befriend someone who they ask to be their roommate. Thus, The Roommate relationship is launched.

As move-in day arrives the roommates usually start out fairly benign. Acquaintances and friendships form in the early part of the semester while everyone is nervously adapting to their new environs. As the students settle into their routines and become more comfortable, patience and politeness can give way to less considerate co-existence .

My provincial research methodology involves talking with friends, friends’ college kids, my kids’ friends in college and any random college student I have been afforded the luxury to drill for good roommate stories. The tales of The Roommate include but are not limited to freshman being excluded by a roommate with other hall-mates, roommates not speaking to one another because one was coughing too loud, a roommate urinated in her own bed and left the mess, roommates having their friends sleep in the other roommate’s bed without permission, and the colossal err of sex in the room while the roommate is present.

While writing this post, I took to the interwebs to conduct some more ‘very formal empirically based’ research (sarcasm ensues). My source about most things is of course, Facebook. I posted a request for “most outrageous roommate stories” and was astonished by the responses. Some people sent me a private message thinking perhaps their story was a bit too personal, but I did have over forty comments of outrageous roommate stories.

This post grew out of my thinking about the difficulties that one may encounter with a roommate after hearing about so many from my clients who were home for break. Some roommates become lifelong best friends, some roommates never speak again and some are probably somewhere in between. I felt thoughtful and sometimes worried about some of the students that had to return to unhealthy relationships in their most intimate living situations.

But, after doing my fancy shmancy research on Facbeook I realized that my thoughtful and somewhat serious post had taken a hard right turn. I enjoyed so many of the comments that I feel it is only fair to share some of the most outrageous roommate stories that I received. It would be unfair to enjoy these all of these stories by myself:

• My roommate and I snuck a toaster oven into our dorm room. Toasted a bagel the next AM. It caught fire. Like flames inside of the toaster.

• A friend of mine entered her freshman dorm room to discover her roommate sitting naked on the bed with a giant snake coiled in a tree branch mounted on the wall over her head.

• My freshman roommate started dating my ex-boyfriend shortly after we broke up and asked me to find somewhere else to sleep so they could be together. Then she wanted to room together the next year!

• My housemates decided, without me, that we wouldn’t turn the heat on until the thermostat read 55 degrees to cut our bills down. I complained, they told me they wouldn’t budge and I should just get a space heater for my room. I thought, “well that’s gonna cost just as much if not more, but okay!” I was nice and warm and toasty in my room, and the rest of the house was an ice box.

• A girl had a baby in the bathroom of our suite freshman year. She was visiting our suite mate. We heard a weird sound, like a duck quacking and realized it was a baby. We had to call 911 and the paramedics came to our suite. My friend loaned her a towel. She did not want it back.

• One roommate while I was interning in DC spelled out “Welcome to DC” in condom wrappers. Very classy girl!! (Also very busy).

• My freshman year roommate was a born-again Christian. I walked into sing alongs in my room all of the time- a bunch of kids sitting in a circle on the floor singing about Jesus, complete with a guitar. So much fun for this Jew from Bethesda.

• My freshman year roommate had a different guy in the room pretty much every night. They usually came into the room after I had gone to sleep but being a light sleeper...lol!

• My roommate heard there was a lice outbreak in a fraternity (that neither she nor I ever went to) but she caught me coming out of my room and pinned me down to do a lice check.

• My college roommate and I stole a Trump banner from the wrestling house. The next day on Facebook one of them wrote on their Facebook page that if the person who stole their property didn’t return It they would physically harm them.

I recently completed a twenty-five hour National Adoption Competency Mental Health Training Initiative. It was online so I could go at my own pace which made the experience more enjoyable. Each module had a pre-test and a post-test, thus it required thinking which was quite important, although sometimes I would grimace at yet another test.

I found the presentation of the entire training to be very well done. It was nicely organized, interactive in a fun way and used both images and videos throughout the training. It showed videos of experts speaking on behalf of the current topic which nicely complemented the written material.

The training also covered a wide span of themes relating to adoption. The highlights for me were pieces on attachment and trauma. Both theoretical viewpoints and treatment options were explored which address many of the issues that adopted kids and their families deal with on a daily basis. There were also nice age breakdowns since the challenges of a toddler are different than those of an adolescent.

Many of the case presentations had to do with older children that had been in foster care and were adopted into families later in their lives. I haven’t worked with foster care children since the early nineties, so this refresher about the foster care system was both helpful and heartbreaking to witness these very complicated situations.

When I go to conferences or receive training such as this I am always excited about gaining new information or being refreshed on something I learned in graduate school. I then get frustrated when I can’t remember what I learned and fail to apply it to my practice. Although I have certainly forgotten many of the intricate details of each treatment program, I have retained a good bit of the principles and concepts from this learning experience. I find myself assessing clients differently since the training. The trauma modules were so helpful and gave me further insight into how insidious even the slightest bit of trauma can really affect someone’s healthy functioning.

I am so glad that I completed the training even though I may have kvetched (complained) a bit during the process. It was well worth the time and energy to learn this important information.

I am so excited about my new home at Squarespace. I have spent hours learning the ropes as I am not the most technologically savvy therapist out there. I almost hired out, but was determined to figure out how to navigate this very simple template on my own. After several days and excruciating headaches, I figured it out (mostly). It still takes longer for me to perform a simple task than it would a web designer, but I am proud of what I have created and shall celebrate my mini accomplishments.

As for this blog, it wasn’t going to transfer over to this new home. So, I manually did it. Yes, I copied and pasted every single post from the early days until now. I am spelling this out so that a reader will understand (and I will remember) that the blog has been copied and pasted. I lost the images in translation; I may be able to go back and copy them over, but I have yet to tackle that process.

I was able to copy the original dates of each post, even though they were actually published on this site today. A few of the posts wound up being out of order, but I noted that so as not to be confusing.

I hope you like it over here as much as I do. Keep reading, more fun to come.

Laurie

8/28/2019

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My good friend Roberta said, “Come over, I’m having an event for a new co-working space.” I wasn’t sure what co-working was and my inner cheapskate wasn’t into spending money for wine I don’t drink, but it included a photo shoot and my website was due for some new headshots. So, on a late summer evening, I cut a check and headed over to “Shots and Shots”.

When I arrived two cute bubbly women greeted me; at first I couldn’t remember their names, and then I didn’t know which was which. Many other young female business owners mingled about; one woman with a beautiful smile and bright red lipstick particularly stood out. I also met a woman who had been at my synagogue and we played a bit of Jewish Geography (aka Six Degrees of Separation).

A few weeks later, Roberta started co-working at the newly opened space. I have an office where I see my psychotherapy clients (which I love) so I had no need for this new enterprise, but I popped over one day to visit Roberta.

When I entered I was stunned. Rowan Tree is beautiful; it is warm and welcoming and has twinkly fairy lights. The two bubbly women were there and excited that I had visited. They told me that they loved my proofs from the headshots. I was shocked that they even knew who I was; it was at that moment that I realized how genuine they were and began to appreciate the magic that is Rowan Tree. Roberta took me for a tour where I saw how the bubbly owners had planned and thought through every single detail.

I drove the two miles to my office and kept thinking about this warm twinkly place. “I don’t need it,” my head said. “I have an office.” “But it’s so cool there,” I argued back, “and they have really good tea.” “But why pay money (see above: cheapskate) for a workspace when you have a cozy office a stone’s throw away?”

I did some more research and decided that a Community Membership would be an economical way to become part of this new and growing group of women entrepreneurs. On a gray December day in between clients, I raced over to the “Tree” and sat with Kate, one of the two bubbly owners whose name I finally remembered. And, like that, I had put down my roots at Rowan Tree.

This place has become a second home. I cannot walk into the space without being greeted and hugged by one of the many members. I have spent hours sitting across a desk from Danielle admiring her bright red lipstick and as much time chatting with Jen about synagogue politics, work and family. Amy, bubbly co-owner and graphic designer, whose name I also now know, collaborated with me to create a special graduation gift for my daughter. There are no strangers at Rowan Tree; the newest member is a potential friend, colleague, or referral source.

As the new school year begins, I am thankful for this warm place that is so welcoming. I am personally transitioning into a new phase and am grateful to have Rowan Tree as a loving safety net.

I am suddenly an empty nester; I drove my youngest child to college last week. Bus schedules, bag lunches and tri-folds for the science fair (I will NOT miss those) are in my rearview mirror. I have no carpools to drive or sports banquets to attend. It is a very emotional and bittersweet adjustment.

Last week I was at a Sage Session at Rowan Tree. This is a monthly meeting where we gather to share challenges (professional or personal), looking for sage advice from our brilliant co-members. When it was my turn, I spoke about my impending empty nest and immediately had everyone’s attention. They were compassionate and understanding and already planning a night out with food, fun and distractions to keep me afloat.

This community. This Rowan Tree. This is a place that I know I can slip into if I am sad, anxious or brimming with joy; these are my people and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

7/24/2019

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Look at her. She is teeny tiny and beautiful and soft. She coos and gazes at your eyes and will grab your finger when offered. She is a newborn; freshly brewed and served into this world on a perfect shiny platter. She is pure; free of malice, judgment or harm.

When I work with adopted clients, I often return to this image. Many adoptees feel tossed away or damaged and believe that they are being relinquished by their birth mother because they did wrong.

In a therapy session I encourage the adopted client to imagine herself as a baby and together we process the images of the sweet, innocent infant. I try to impress upon her that this baby has done nothing wrong; the baby is not at fault for anything.

The adults are making the decisions. The decisions are heavy, painful and complicated. They are decisions that have been made from nine months of thoughts, feelings and conversations having nothing to do with the worth of this beautiful baby. The baby was not bad and therefore given away.

The baby was perfect; all babies are perfect. The adult was conflicted, sad, scared, hurting; we don’t know for sure, but whatever it was, it had nothing to do with the beauty, the worth, the value of this baby.

This is a hard concept for many adopted kids and adults to embrace. The sense of abandonment that they often feel is so deep that they can not imagine any reason other than their ‘badness’ to have caused their relinquishment.

Often with love and support from their adoptive family and good therapy, they can rebuild their sense of worth and grow to believe in themselves. This is a difficult task as they have lived with this false belief for as long as they have lived. I do see joy and confidence become part of their being; it is a difficult path, but these clients can and do find their worth.

7/10/2019

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Disclaimer: Each of my client anecdotes are fictional. They are compilations of hundreds of client situations I have encountered throughout my career. This is to protect the confidentiality of my clients. Anything that may resemble a real person or family is simply a coincidence.

Long blonde hair. Sparkly blue eyes. Strong athletic build and a beautiful smile. She walks into my office and within moments is in tears. She is telling me how social media dictates her life. She is either constantly comparing herself to all of the beautiful people she sees in photos or figuring out how to post a selfie that doesn’t make her look fat.

An handsome, smart, fun, young college boy shares that he is getting to know a girl. In a vulnerable moment he asks her “why are you talking to me, the ugly guy?”

A long, lean, beautiful middle school girl. She, too, is comparing herself to her peers, insisting they are all prettier than her and confused as to why they would want to spend their time with her.

These conversations tear at my heart. My job is not to convince them that they are good looking (which they all are), but to help them to love both their insides and their outsides and to place less value on how people look and more on how the people in their lives make them feel.

Can you laugh with your friends? Can you share with your friends? Is it safe to cry with your friends or be honest with them?

One teen shared that when she is with one of her friends she is so comfortable with her that she can be herself. They can laugh and be silly and she forgets to worry about how she looks. I praised her for noticing the richness of this friendship and we joked that this friendship, unlike Instagram, is free of filters.

I often tell the teens that as they walk through the halls of school they are comparing their insides with everyone's outsides. ‘I feel sad/anxious/ugly/lonely and everyone looks happy and carefree.’ I remind them that what they don’t know is that those that look happy may be feeling hopeless, struggling with their parents or failing out of school, and by the way, they look at you and think you look like you have it all together.

Social media has upped the ante on the high school hallway experience. It is no longer just walking from Spanish to Math that these kids get to compare themselves with their peers, it is a constant flow of pictures (altered and misrepresenting reality) that makes it really difficult to let go of those perfect lives they perceive are happening around them and not to them.

It is our job, as the adults, who are also besieged by perfectly looking lives on social media, to remind the youngsters that a genuine life happens in community and in real time with real people, not necessarily through a screen.

6/27/2019

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I sat quietly while my young client composed a letter to one of her guardians.  She wasn’t sure how to express certain emotions to him directly so I suggested she try to write it out.  We brainstormed a little together as she listed several bullet points that she wanted to include in the letter and then she began writing. I sat in my ‘therapist chair’ and let her write. A few times she asked about spelling, but mostly she sat for several minutes and wrote.
 
I have spent many hours in session with my clients doing things other than talking.  Young children, especially, need diversion from staring at me while I try to assess their mental health.  I have toys, coloring books, art supplies and games in my office.   As a young therapist, I was confused about how playing a game of checkers could be therapeutic.  A wise mentor taught me that we can learn so much about a person by how he operates in the world.   Can he take turns?  How does she do with winning? Losing?  Does he play fair?  Does she get angry and toss the board over?   In playing the game, my goal is to  explore with the client what is triggering his maladaptive behaviors and see if, by talking it through, he can learn to be more mindful about his choices when he is losing a game to a peer in his real world.
 
Coloring is a wonderful activity that coincides with  talking.  Sometimes I will suggest a directive like “draw your family eating dinner”, and sometimes it is free flow coloring as we discuss difficult feelings.  Often, I will color as well, to join with the client (and avoid from feeling like I am staring at them), but my doodles are barely intelligible because, of course, I am tracking the client and his emotional lability rather than creating an artistic masterpiece.  (One very savvy teen insisted that we play chess week after week.  I told her that I could barely manage chess using all of my faculties, certainly not while facilitating a therapy session.  Needless to say, she beat me ever time!)
 
I have also worked with older teens on college essays,
home-school assignments and resume’s .  I was hesitant at first to spend valuable therapy time on a task that should be easily completed at home.  But, with these anxious kids, this was the best way to practice these challenging life skills in a safe environment.  I had a great rapport with each of these clients, so they trusted me to hear their work and gently guide them.  I am also NOT their parent.  Each of these projects could have devolved into angry yelling matches with a parent, but within the therapy session, it was calm, productive, and, by golly, completed! (Providing a most pleasurable relief to each parent who could then avoid the messiness at home).
 
The therapeutic relationship is most crucial in the therapy session.  The success of these less-verbal activities only occurs when a good rapport has been established;  both young and older kids learn that they can trust me to show their true selves be it feeling under confident while drawing or sharing their most personal selves in their writing