More musings on this Pandemic

Corona virus. Covid 19. Pandemic. Quarantine.

However we label it, it all stinks!

How are you? I hope that you are all staying safe and sane amidst the new insane.

Early on, maybe six weeks ago, my supervision group was meeting (in person, so retro) and a colleague suggested I blog about it this new existence. I need to be in a certain mood to write (fortunately writing is not my career or we’d really be seeking that Small Business loan) and I just wasn’t feeling the mood at that point. Recently my husband said, “you really should be blogging”; not only was I still not in the mood, I also felt “what more could I say about this Pandemic?” It’s all been said, done, written and discussed.

I was reading an article posted by a virtual “friend” of mine who hosts my favorite podcast. Suddenly the mood hit me and I felt like writing. Not that I have anything unique to add about our world situation, but this article written by Patti Neighmond for NPR stirred my writing juices. Ms. Neighmond wrote about the seniors in high school and college that have had their senior year cut short. The milestones, special events and celebrations that they have longingly watched upperclassmen experience will not look for them as they had previously hoped. Some events may be cancelled, some may be experienced virtually and some may be postponed. One college senior texted me about his now postponed “fake graduation”.

The disappointment is tremendous as is the loss and the lack of closure. So many students left college for spring break and never returned. Many have yet to move out of their dorms and are living at home while most of their possessions remain at school. I am watching college students spend hours upon hours doing homework and in online classes. It saddens me to see how hard they are working; they are working as hard or harder than when living at school and yet not able to experience the fun, camaraderie and connections offered by living on a college campus. One freshman whose year was abruptly halted angrily said “I have all of the work of college and none of the fun.”

I like the tools that Ms. Neighmond suggested in the NPR article: acknowledge the students’ feelings, encourage them to stay connected to their peers, figure out what it is that they can control as opposed to the powerlessness of the situation and remind them that although this is all horrible and feels unfair, by quarantining we are all helping to flatten the curve for our society as a whole.

This is the part of the article that I had yet to consider. The college seniors have been living independently for the last four years. No longer are they following mommy’s rules and daddy’s curfews. The seniors are of legal age and legal drinking age; many of them work, pay bills and cook their own meals.  Dr. Ludmila De faria, a psychiatrist, was quoted in the article saying “They had moved away from their families of origin, which is part of a process called individuating. ‘They're finding their people, their identities and developing their ability to take care of themselves’, she says. ‘The people they live with, their roommates in college become their primary source of support. They lost that suddenly.’"

I know some college seniors that have remained in their off-campus housing and are living and social distancing with a few roommates while finishing their semester classes online. I believe, though, that there are many seniors that have moved home and are having to readjust to the family rules and norms while also losing their independence and support system.

Dr. De farla’s observations on individuating was on point. This is the time when humans really become their own selves separate from others and, in this specific example, separate from their parents. The college years have prepared the seniors to live on their own, follow their own routines and schedules and make (hopefully) mature adult decisions. Enter Covid 19 and these should-be-graduating seniors are sleeping in their childhood beds, eating family dinner and prohibited from leaving the home to socialize or grab a legal drink because of quarantine. It’s as if they have stepped back into the cradle at their most pivotal moment. I do appreciate how this extra layer of complications makes this time of Covid 19 all the more difficult for these students.

I also know several young adults that have left their apartments (often with their significant others) and moved back in with their parents. I think being alone or with one roommate during this scary time may have been too overwhelming for these newly minted adults. I mentioned to one friend that the menu at her house is probably better than the empty fridge in her son’s downtown apartment. Families, their adult children and partners are living as a unit under one roof cooking, puzzling and doing online yoga together on the weekends and sucking up the internet during the week to virtually work. I gather that it is easier for the young adults than the college seniors because they have already had a taste of independent living and, also, because they made the choice to come home and quarantine together rather than be forced home by the decision of their university.

Every week the news media is bringing additional stories and obstacles to the public. As I write today, the latest kerfuffle involves protesting over the shelter-in-place order, making it a political issue as usual. I shan’t go there. As I said at the top of the post there is enough being said and written about each new occurrence. In my little corner of the internet, I am grateful that my friend posted the article that ignited me to put down some thoughts.

Stay safe my friends!