Zoom-erang

Who remembers the PBS show Zoom from the 1970’s? (My son just reminded me it had a revival in the late 1990’s). The show was produced in Boston where I grew up. Myself and many of my friends auditioned to be cast members for the show. Sadly, I was not casted, which is actually good news as my career as a television star may have prohibited me from pursuing my true passion which is therapy. As Zoom meetings have become the go-to for our pandemic-ed professional and social world, many of us children of the 70’s have reminisced about the show and suffered the annoying theme song on constant replay in our heads.

On to serious mode, I have had some thoughts and observations about this teletherapy practice I find myself conducting exclusively despite my preference for meeting in my warm, cozy office where I can create a safe and intimate setting for my clients. Overall, the teletherapy has worked well. It far surpasses phone sessions where I can not see my clients or read their facial expressions. Many of my clients have introduced me to their pets which has been extremely fun for all of us. The teens have showed off their bedrooms; apparently painting one’s bedroom walls and furniture has become a common quarantine activity to which I have been privy . I have also met siblings and cousins and spouses which has all added to the richness of this virtual therapy.

My colleagues and I continue to meet every other week for supervision group. Once we finally figured out how to Zoom successfully our meetings have resumed their regular balance of collaboration, silliness and connection despite the miles and screens between us. Last Friday morning while staring at the faces in the four squares of my most trusted co-therapists/friends we shared how this Covid-19 way of therapy was working for us. We all noted that it is hard to make up the physical distance via screen; in the office if a client is struggling or particularly emotional we all tend to lean forward to decrease the distance between our seat and the client’s thus creating a more comforting stance. We talked about how we make the same gesture with the computer, but it doesn’t feel the same.

We also discussed how when doing couples therapy sometimes the couple is sitting together sharing one screen and sometimes they speak from separate screens, each of which has its own unique dynamic. When meeting with children in my office, I regularly check in with their parents at the end of the session. Currently kids are running into their parents’ home offices (while they are working) (possibly on a Zoom call themselves) and handing the parent the phone with my face plastered onto the screen.

Privacy has been one of the most important factors for online therapy. Clients routinely escape to the car for their sessions feeling that this was the only place that they could ensure complete privacy. Both parents and kids alike will whisper into the computer to discuss personal issues fearing that the walls are just too thin. I understand all of their hesitations and share that I empathize with them and acknowledge that virtual therapy does have its limitations.

I speculate that the most profound phenomenon of teletherapy is the concept of sharing the depths of one’s emotional core from home via screen. So often a client sits in my office and pours her heart out to me. The experience is safe and contained and together we dissect the pain. Frequently I will metaphorically tell a client to ‘leave it here’. I will point to a corner of the room and assure them that it is safe to leave whatever ‘it’ is here in my office. This technique enables the client to allow me to hold some of their pain for them; it frees them up a bit to ease back into their reality upon leaving the session.

When a client confides heavy emotional content from their home, I fear that it can become complicated. Every teen that I meet with talks to me from his/her bedroom, usually sitting on the bed. I worry that they are contaminating their own safe space with potentially toxic feelings. I hate that they can’t step away from their nests to purge the emotions and leave them in my office. It’s not that they don’t carry the pain with them, but I doubt that they expose it in many places other than my office. With teletherapy they must pollute their personal space with ugly feelings unable to comfortably retreat to their private sanctuaries.

Perhaps I am being a little dramatic with my assessment of the teens sharing from their rooms. I am sure that generally it is not too emotionally taxing for them. But, I do suspect that at times this conundrum may arise and for that I appreciate the difficulty.

I am lucky, for tomorrow I will Zoom-up and meet with several of my clients throughout the day. I may or may not wear pants as that seems to be the most discussed topic of virtual working. I will power up my laptop, put on my thinking cap and attend to each and every individual client the same way I would if they were sitting in my office (where I would definitely be wearing pants).

Stay safe one and all!